7 week check up

So I had my post pregnancy check up.
What was supposed to be a quick in and out appt ended up taking up most of the day.
I had blood work done, an ultrasound, some other tests done.
There are some answers to why my body is having such a hard time but still so many "don't knows"

I am having 3 to 4 extreme blood sugar lows a week. Usually resulting in me seizing. But no one really knows why my body is having such a different reaction. I used to feel when I was dropping, but I'm not feeling it lately. Some days my insulin will work fine, the next day same amount I will be extremely high and then next extremely low. With no rhyme or reason. My OB/GYN, my Endo or me can't seem to find the pattern of what is effecting them so much. It's a guessing game. Which leads into a whole new thing, I'm terrified that I'm going to go low and drop Lexie, or be driving and crash with my kids, and make a total idiot of myself when people see me like that.So we haven't been getting out much. That and Lexie's breathing issues.

Multiple of my vitamins and other nutrients were extremely low. Like my vitamin D is supposed to be above 30 but it was at 4. So they started more meds to hopefully get my levels up to where they are supposed to be. I'm just not absorbing everything I need or nursing is taking what I have which were probably already low from the pregnancy.

One theory for the low blood sugars and low nutrient levels is that my body is having a hard time metabolizing enough to sustain me and make enough milk to nurse Lexie. And I will suddenly drop when my body does metabolize the food I have eaten. A common problem with long time diabetics is that their stomach will empty slowly, and sometimes spasm and empty all at once. But the meds for that you can't take while breastfeeding. So my stomach won't empty and then all the sudden spasm and will. Making me get all my nutrients at once and my  my kidneys and liver are having a hard time processing what I have metabolized all at once so it just moves through. I don't think I'm explaining it clearly but it's a theory. So you would think then stop nursing and see. Only problem with that is that Lexie takes breast milk (that I have pumped) mixed with the special formula powder. So she gets over twice the amount of calories as just nursing or just getting the formula in the same amount of eating, and getting over twice the amount is working for her because she is gaining weight like a average newborn (which is different from Seth because it took him forever to gain weight and he still is a little guy) You can't just double the amount of formula powder in a bottle or it makes it to thick and it's hard on her body to process. So we are looking at other options but I will do what ever it takes for her to get what she needs. But with the sudden metabolizing and the sudden drop in my sugars it's still being watched closely. And with the lows and not being able to process the nutrients I need and make enough nutrients to feed Lexie my body is exhausted and gives out quite frequently so I am not getting  a whole lot done lately.  Or I push my self way to much and do things like spend the day at the dr, next day at the zoo and tulip festival and the next at the UMNH and my body is just done and I ended up seizing a lot. I just want to prove that I can still do it. But sometimes even little things like getting my garden ready and weeded is too much because I had done so much the days before my body still gives out.

I have been heavily bleeding since the birth so my blood levels have been low and anemic. So hopefully that will stop with the IUD and I can make some more blood.

With the amount I was bleeding and the clots I was passing they ordered an ultrasound. There was a small piece of placenta that had come detached and hadn't been passed. So it was removed and sent for a biopsy to make sure the cells haven't turned cancerous. (I don't think it is I think they are just being cautious.) But with the piece removed I was able to get my IUD.

But, on the bright side the antibiotics I got for the ear, sinus, strep infection worked and that's all cleared up. 

Emotionally I'm still a mess. With that being said if you happen to be the one who tries to be helpful and offers me some sort of herb/oil/goatpoo tea that will magically cure me or tell me "oh I went through that and it's not a big deal." and I slap you I apologize in advance. (I understand that there are herbal things that can help my diabetes and other issues, I'm read many a medical study on it. and take some herbal supplements to help.  But it's not going to cure my diabetes even if it did cure your sister's husband's nephew's dog's second cousin twice removed's chiropractors daughter. ) 
 I am having a hard time feeling like I don't have control. I don't have control of my body, it's doing what it wants and I don't know how to make it better, I don't have control over having Lexie be able to breathe and I can't make her better no matter how hard I try. I push myself to do the things I was doing last year and my body gives out on me. I can't let go enough to sleep and not watch Lexie's monitor for fear something will happen, and when I do sleep I nightmare that something is happening. (so the Dr wrote a med for that but I haven't brought myself to take it yet.) I still feel horribly for my body giving out and not letting Lexie develop all the way and worry endlessly that there is something more than her breathing but only time will tell and I don't know that I will ever let it fully go. And doing things like spending the day at the Dr for me I feel horrible about because I should be taking care of my kids. And when I focus on taking care of me I do things like miss registering the boys for swimming lessons and tee-ball which in my mind just solidifies the fact that I suck as a Mom and need to step it up and do more. I just don't know if my body can. It makes me wonder if there is enough of me to go around. The Dr's say it will get better and I will rebound, but nobody can tell me when but say that most woman can rebound in 6 weeks it may take me 6 months and I'm not that patient.  

It's been a year since we found out we were pregnant, but not with Lexie. We had a miscarriage on Mother's day last year right before Lexie's pregnancy I hadn't really thought about it until I was looking at my history with the Dr at the check up. Oh what a year can bring.

So that's how my check up went. But this too shall pass and a year from now when I have rebounded I will look back and think oh what a year it's been.