Suckin' it Up

So I've had a couple people ask how the whole postpartum depression was going. Because last I put on here I was just going to suck it up and move on.

And that's pretty much what I did. Don't get me wrong I still have my moments, but you let it go and move on. I went of  the anti depressant that the Dr had put me one. I take enough meds I didn't need one more. (They work for some people and that is great for them, and I've taken them and had them work for me too. No judgement here if you take them I'm just saying that right now for me they weren't the right choice)

I just decided to change the way I was thinking.

I was discourage because Lexi was having problems I started focusing on the fact that she was here and what a blessing that is.

I was getting discouraged about my health, and was letting my diabetes control me. So I started doing something about it.  I control my diabetes not the other way around.

I realized that I was letting my negative thoughts ooze out into my kids. I never want Lexi to be as negative on herself as I was with me. And I'm her example so that had to change.

I didn't want my boys to ever talk about woman the way I was talking about myself. So that needed to change. So Sam says I started to self medicate with positive self talk.

I was sitting around waiting for some one else to come in and make me feel better, to get that validation from some one else, and it wasn't coming (at least I didn't see it I had plenty of people tell me that I am a good person). So I decided I had to see it and just changed the way I focused on things. At one point I remember praying that the "feel good fairy"  that was making it's way around the neighborhood would stop at my house because I wanted it to point out something good about me. But the thought came maybe I was spending to much of my time focusing on me. What was I doing to make other people feel good about themselves. So I started to do little things to change that. I mean it's been just little things because some times my body still isn't cooperating but it's still something and service makes me feel better and hopefully the other person.

I started listening to music that makes me happy. One song I started listening to multiple  times a day is "Happy Girl"

I used to live in a darkened room
Had a face of stone
And a heart of gloom

Lost my hope, I was so far gone
Cryin' all my tears
With the curtains drawn

I didn't know until my soul broke free
I've got these angels watching over me

Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
Everybody knows
That the sweetest thing you'll ever see
In the whole wide world
Is a happy girl

I used to hide in a party crowd
Bottled up inside
Feeling so left out

Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes
With my frozen smile
And my lighted fuse

Now every time I start to feel like that
I roll my heart out like a welcome mat

Laugh when I feel like it
Cry when I feel like it
That's just how my life is
That's how it goes

Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
And I've come to know
That the world won't change
Just 'cause I complain
Let the axis twirl
I'm a happy girl


It just started to make sense to me.
I needed to quit complaining, and count my blessing because there are so many. It was just changing the way I thought about things. And that's what's been working for me.
I don't know if it makes sense to anyone else but it does me so I'm just sucking it up and moving on.