This post is to clarify a few things.
- My life depends on a very expensive synthetic hormone in a bottle, a $5000 piece of plastic strapped to my side and a lot of other supplies.
- I do my best not to let my diabetes be an excuse but sometime it is.
- don't get your feelings hurt if I don't accept your "cure" for my diabetes. I have nothing against your oils, your tea, your mixture that cured your grandma's, cousins, dog sitters, uncle. I just know that it won't cure me.
- Don't get your feelings hurt if I don't show as much empathy as you think I should when you tell me that you have hypoglycemia.You see a normal person blood sugar is 80 to 120. And when you have a hypoglycemic event your blood sugar goes low to maybe 60. When I have a hypoglycemic event my sugar goes to like 30. There's a difference between the two. A lot of difference. So I feel for you. I really do. It sucks but your low and my low are different.
- Yes regular people can get a sugar high. But again your high and my high are different. You get a sugar rush at 150. When I say my blood sugar is high, high means like 300 or higher. It makes me sick. That much sugar in my blood doesn't give me a ton of energy. It means I don't have insulin to "unlock" the energy. It means the sugar is crystallize in my blood stream causing problems in my kidneys, those crystals are cutting up my blood vessels. When my blood sugar is high it turns by body acidic and it starts to eat itself away. So yes your sugar high and mine are different.
- My immune system sucks. The diabetes in an Auto immune disorder which means my immune system is messed up. For me it's hardly ever just a cold. My body has a hard time fighting stuff off and it hardly even is able to fight stuff off and not let it turn in to something more severe. So yes a cold that is going around that everyone else has fought off in a week will take me more, it's not that I'm a whiner, it's not that I'm a big Baby it's that my body takes longer to heal and if you can't understand that, oh well. I am so grateful for Docs that know me and know that if I call because I say I'm sick... I'm really sick and often will just call in a med for me. I know my body well enough to know when something is wrong. There is not very many people that could trace their organs on the outside of their bodies because they can pin point the pain and what organ is inflamed.
- Diabetes can be controlled yes to a point. But it's a constant battle. Yes I can test, pump, correct, carb count, bolus. But it's all still a guess. If I have to get up in the middle of night that burns carbs, that makes it so I don't need as much insulin as I do other nights. A hot bath make open up my blood vessels so I process food etc faster, it may not who knows it's a guess. The littlest things can effect how my body processes food, uses insulin etc. it's all a guess. Ratios that work one day may not work the rest. Insulin is not a cure it's a treatment. Staying in control of your diabetes is hard and it sucks. A high or a low can wipe you out. It's exhausting. Because carbs are where you get your energy and I process carbs different I get tired fast. My body takes toll. It wears out. There are some days that I just can't do it. Those are the days that Sam comes home to a messy kitchen, a naked 3 year old running amuke, a 5 year old who doesn't have his home work done and a 9 month old who is still in her PJ"s and you know what he's ok with it because he does his best to understand. If I have a low my body has used up reserve energy because I didn't have any. If I have a high my body is sick from the too much sugar. Even if I correct a high or low, it's still taken a toll on my body and the correct isn't instant. And once my blood sugar is back in normal range the effects of the high and low are still there. It still makes your body tired from all the ups and downs.
- No, my diabetes is not because I am fat. I am fat because of my diabetes. I have type 1 diabetes. Type 1 Diabetes is an Auto Immune Disorder. Meaning my immune system attacked my pancreas basically killing the cells that produce insulin. Type 1 and Type 2 are different, very very different. Type 2 means your body doesn't produce enough insulin but still produces some. Type 2 can be caused by weight. But type 1 is a genetic auto immune disorder, I couldn't have done anything to not get it. I can't just control it with food and exercise. More insulin makes you gain weight. I have built up a resistant to insulin over the last 20 + years being diabetic. I take more, which means I weigh more. I'm not saying there aren't things I could do better but don't assume that I am diabetic because I am fat. Many diabetics, me included, have to take other meds besides insulin to help with our kidneys etc. Side effects of those medications are weight gain. So it's a constant battle, and if I can maintain the weight I am it's considered a success.
- Kidneys- I get kidney stones. Kidney stones are common in Diabetics. The crystallized sugar from high blood sugars calcifies and is a kidney stone (in basic terms). I pass about 2 to 4 kidney stones a month. Yes the pain is there, but it's more constant. My good day is relative because my good would be someone else's horrible but I take what I can get. One side effect of diabetes is neoropathy, or damage to the nerves so you loose feeling. I have this in my core. So when I say I have a kidney infection, UTI etc. it has to be severe enough for me to feel it. (Thank heavens for Doc's that just give me a standing Rx because sometimes that's all that saves me) I also have scar tissue from so many years of infections and stones. So no I'm not super tough, I just can't feel it like most people. I also look for other signs that there is something off in my body. If my face starts to break out really bad around my mouth and behind my ears I have a kidney infection. Everything in my body is linked.
- Eyes- Right now I don't have any lasting retinopathy, or loose of vision because of my diabetes. I need to use my glasses more if I have high blood sugars because the sugar gets in my eyes and messes them up but so far it goes away when my sugars are in control. So if I'm wearing my glasses know that my body is having a hard time.
- Digestive Issues- Celiacs and Gastroparesis. Celiac disease is an autoimmune disease, the source of this being gluten, a protein found in wheat, rye, and barley. The disease attacks the villi,the finger-like structure which line the small intestine, leading to stomach troubles and mal-absorption of nutrients. Celiacs is on the same gene as type 1 diabetes. A lot of type 1 diabetics are also Celiacs. Again it's another way my body betrayed me and attacked itself. Gastroparesis is when the stomach and digestive track becomes paralyzed because of (in the case of diabetics) neuropathy. If your stomach and digestive track are paralyzed they can't feel when they are full, so they don't know to empty. They don't do the muscle contractions that are needed to move through your body. It can also make it so you have bad reflux etc because it doesn't close at the top. I have Type 1 friends that have G-tubes because their gastroparesis is so bad. They have to take meds to help their digestive track. I have some gastroparesis. It's not bad, no where near needing a G-tube. But it's still there.
- Hormones- Because one of my hormones is messed up. They all then interact differently. PMS mess with my sugars. If my insulin is out of whack that can mess up my other hormones. When your hormones get out of whack it can do messed up things to your personality. Like some woman swear that on birth control they go crazy and don't feel like themselves. It's kind of like that. The hardest time with hormones is after I miscarry or after giving birth re regulating the hormones is a mess. It's just one more way everything in your body is connected and since one thing in my body is off it effects everything else.
There are some days that the diabetes does get the better of me. Those are the days we eat a freezer meal, the counters don't get washed off, and my kids are extremely happy when Daddy gets home.
But most days I just plan ahead and try to keep one step ahead on the guessing game and try to survive another day and continue to pray that there will be a cure soon.
Also, remember you never really know what's going on with some one. Everyone is fighting their own battle and sometimes like mine it's hard to see.
1 comment:
Thanks for this. You are so right, it's so easy to overlook the battles that others are fighting every day. You're an amazing lady and wife and mama and friend!!!
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